Current status “confused about marriage”

Dear readers,



  Thank you for reading.... well I actually don’t know how many of you read my post seriously/casually....
But still I am happy that some of you read...
So, once again I am writing about my life upside down.....
Last week of May was good....but I should say it was a little
Theatrical... I mean I have to face a lot of things...
•My widower landlord, who is also my co worker, has recently remarried ...his new wed wife is lot younger than him (she is 28) and because of their age variation, they have understanding problems.
•Although sir (landlord) has a very supportive nature but sometimes when he discusses his problem as a colleague with me I find him very less tolerant toward his new wife.
•I once told him he should consider hundred times before getting remarried ... he may have to adjust a lot and there may be some differences.
•On other hand when I met my new landlady I too find her narrow-minded & intolerant . I can't say much as I have just met her few days ago. 
•I didn’t show much interest in her although we had less age difference.
•I am constantly trying to suppress some of my insecurities. As I think I have reached marriageable age...I am looking for  a suitable life partner. And after seeing my landlord mess full marriage life, I think  myself fortunate enough - “thank God.” But I still want to get married to a right and trustworthy person...
•Many of you might be confused from above point that “why I don’t consider marriage with my secret boyfriend...it because I am still confused in love.
•After being defeated by love....I simply believe marriage is separate from love.
•In marriage you adjust a lot but in love...there something different.... (This thing can explained by someone who has done love marriage.) there is respect and resistance..
•Ok ...now if my surreptitious boyfriend is reading this...he should take into account whether he want to continue with me or not...
•Whenever I talk to him ...or I should say bring this topic to him...he say he is not settled...no proper job.etc etc...
Than I should say he should see movie Ka & Ki. Women’s are independent now a days and man can do household work too....
•Ouch! wait a second there is ....other thing too.... my ex-crush. Or I should say “just friend”. He is also part of  my new comical life...I don’t know why? may be there  is still something....don’t judge me for this thing !..before I  call anyone for help... I always think of him first ,than  of my boyfriend.

It's  like telepathy... or something... I never post fb status or tweets keeping in mind ....someone. But for him its’ comes up naturally. Though I find him more complex and deeply troubled....I still identify with him...I get happy when he is there....  as friend,  I still admire him. Although, I don’t know about how he feels. But I still miss his stupidity and immature giddily nature.
•It’s said “never run back to what broke you.”
But also “never forget what made you strong.” And I know in my heart...what it was....
•Than this week I met my college buddies... they have not changed.... we sat and gossip like old aunties... for  I don’t know if they every understand my true nature... they always I think of me as bystander.... but they don’t know what I; actually look in them.
•Last, not least my family.....I badly miss them. My last resort ...my moral background...My pillars. I don’t know how to survive without them...whenever I don’t get scolding from them I feel like hell. Well, lately I cried. When I was missing them...because no one was there to pamper me.

P.S., this was my life this....month and when I re-evaluate all these points once....I WANT to ask Question to my readers....
1.What would you suggest me regarding marriage?
Its irony I am more worried about it than my parents.
.

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